That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Bloggers and their books writhing to escape.

Am I so shallow and self obsessed to believe that you are remotely interested in the length of my opus? Well, yes (I am that shallow) and

NO! (you’re not that interested)

It is time to uncloak! It is my belief, firmly held, that you are all to a man harbouring books to your collective breasts! I shall now expound on their nature and type and I don’t mean typeface.

Kim and Foot Eater and Justin, have admitted as much. Should I say confessed as much?

Fatmammycat’s first book, I see as a long page turner (400 + pages) with sexy bodice ripping bits, set in rural Ireland and New York (both tremendous selling points). It makes Edna O’Brien look like Pat O’Brien.

Everyone they say, has a book in him. The Vaporiser has a six volume adventure memoir, a film (George Clooney), and TV mini series. I defy him to disagree.

The SafeTinspector IS the new Philip K Dick, the evolution of mankind into a machine form, the philosophical ramifications thereof….It’s bursting to get out of him.

Sarah’s first I see as a volume of photographic prints with enigmatic footnotes, where the actual materials of construction are selected by the author herself to enhance the overall experience. Tell me I’m a liar.

Mr Gorilla Bananas I see as a children’s author read by everyone. More Pullman than Rowling, he will use the ‘children’s author’ tag, to maximise his ability to get his ideas across to a universal readership.

Miss Redhead’s first book is a work of non fiction I think. I see it as a sort of post punk Mrs Beaton’s, a new age manual of modern housekeeping with sex or something. She will tell us.

The literary ladies. Lindy, Sam, Andraste, are tortured by their irresistible force meeting their immovable objects, but they will overcome. Soon.

SexyBeauty, I’m still thinking about. Writing/painting?

Brewski, Binty, Twenty Major, Doctor Evil, Doctor McCrumble, it’s coming out their pores.

Short term NLP target: get up to page 300.
Medium term NLP target: email rewritten manuscript to Macmillan. 250 pp. max.
Longer term NLP target: apartment Central Park East. Talk shows. Kudos.

Have I missed anyone?

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