Live, on videotape, from the stardust room of the British Legion, Chipping Norton…

It’s the MAROONS!

Before we open the envelope,

[and…clear! Two minutes everybody!].]

Some of you may have noticed recently that a new blogger has turned up. Mrs Pincer or Pounder or something, I can’t remember, I’ve hardly exchanged a word with her. Still, nonetheless, it would be inhospitable not to welcome new blood to the group, so to this end I’m off to Edinburgh to have a tryst.

What about Mrs Maroon? I hear you call. That is a problem I’ll admit, but I had a brainwave - I’m not going to tell her! She would only get the idea into her head that I was somehow dissatisfied and had decided to “play away” and this sort of thought can be disturbing to a woman so I thought it better to make up some tale about overnight project meetings, hey! It could happen, the globalised 24/7 world we live in…
I’m much more worried about Fatmammycat, my Ether Soul Mate and focus of all my hopes; but she seems determined to fall in love and live happily ever after, so I’ll just have to sit out the next 25 years (I have the patience of the Sphinx, well who wouldn’t with such a prize on offer?)
So that’s what I’m going to do.
In the meantime, because SafeT and Binty have turned up again, I am going to do the Maroons and for a change, there is going to be only one winner and we all know who it is. It’s like the football league, we know at the start of the season who’s going to be there at the end. MY DECISION IS FINAL.
I had planned to increase the tension by some means but couldn’t think of anything.
What I will say is this. The women bloggers are much, much better writers than the men. None of them can drive a car to save their lives but they all write better than any of us; Harry Hutton included [Leader of our Order]
I’ve wondered about this, whether blogging is a medium that particularly suits women for some reason, whatever it is, their quality of writing is ahead of ours by a country mile. Having said that, you get a bloody good laugh with the men, it’s a testosterone thing, the godam wimmin wouldn’t understand, right…

[back in 5, 4, 3, 2…]

Welcome back everyone. The winner of the Maroon 2008 for getting everything right and being the best of bloggers, like, all the time, is neither man nor woman but Mr Gorilla Bananas!

Tarra!

Mr Gorilla Bananas, couldn’t be with us tonight so his good friend Mynah Bird will accept the award on his behalf…

Quick, turn it over, I think Morse is starting on channel 10.