That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

No Synopsis Yet

All my bosses have decanted to North America to buy a secret ray-gun factory or something. The other one is in the East Midlands.

I have driven 214 miles today. It’s always the same isn’t it? The NLP has prepared me for these setbacks. I laugh in their faces HAHAHAhahahaha. STOP. Enough laughing already. And rest.

The more astute among you (everyone) will have noted a few pitfalls in advance.

I list them here.

a) I can’t write.
b) Which books to deface with the highlighters?
c) I have no synopsis, title, sample chapter(s), or plot.
d) Where’s Gothic 12b even? I mean, a book? The man’s a fantasist!

That’s enough pitfalls for the present.

I will now debunk the pitfalls in turn.

Let’s take a)

For example, is it the other boss or the other secret ray-gun factory that’s in the East Midlands? I can’t remember.

When I shut my eyes, I see cat’s-eyes and road signs passing by. A full hour tonight to get over that fucking-ratfink-piece-of-shit Bridge. Not a good start at all at all.

“I don’t understand this new clause 24.”
“What’s not to understand?”
“Why not tell me what you’re aiming at and I’ll put it in for you?”
“Ok…SIMON, hmm let me see…….Look, I’ll get back to you.”

And why? Because even I don’t understand what I’ve just written.

However, It’s of no consequence. It will sort itself out as we go. We will not be writing prose. OR Contracts. Thank the Lord Harry.

b) The books to deconstruct. I thought I’d get them out the library and say they were like that when I took them home. Problem solved!

c) The synopsis is something to think about. I mean, should it be a bald plot outline giving the game away in one go? Remember, the literary agent wants one. Fussy fucking fussikins.



Boy X meets Girl A in Baghdad field hospital. Girl B fancies Boy X so poisons Girl A (the crazy neurotic bitch) but Boy Z drinks it first, and dies!. Boy X is closet gay and fancied Boy Z rotten, (from afar) so goes on mad shooting spree, killing Tony Blair who is there on secret talks. Boy Z was husband of Girl B….

Or should the style be more….

Late1944...The Eastern Front…
His blood-spattered hands shaking uncontrollably, Dirk Diggler opened his secret orders from Berlin. How could he have known then, that in seven short days he would see his beautiful bride Nora die in his arms, and the world’s first atom bomb dropped on Stuttgart…..

OK, we’ll just have to jump off that bridge nearer the time..

d) Gothic! Nothing at all to worry about there. It’s got tons and tons of scope. Cast of hundreds, three genres, (Stick it up your ass El B.) lots of jokes lying around just waiting to be picked up.

12B first, then I’ve got the multiple death of EL Barbudo, you know, accidental stake through the heart, battleaxe falls from suit of armour, slices his head off, they give him too much power on the resurrectionist table, he rises, falls out the window, onto the pitchforks of the gathered peasants, on and on and on…

So nothing to worry about there. I’ll get round to it soon if I get a minute.

I must attend now to my commenters in the previous post, and have a quick scan round the blogs by way of relaxation. I will of course keep you posted. That’s what a blog’s for!

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