That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Part 18

No sooner had Ayres hit the grass in an ungainly jumble of limbs, than the grimy tramp pulled a glass vial from his filthy rags, and, smashing it on the ground in front of us, disappeared in a cloud of green smoke.
When the smoke had cleared, he was in the firm clutch of our leader and coughing most wretchedly.

“Haven’t quite…got that formula right…too much sulphur.” he spluttered.
“With what foul bane have you assailed our confederate?” demanded Bananas.
“What? Oh, just vitamin B12 complex.” coughed the grubby vagrant.
“Not Amazonian poison dart venom then?” I asked, only slightly disappointed.
“Sorry, ‘fraid not. Can’t get the frogs you see.” wheezed the heaving hobo.
“I feel magnificent.” said Ayres from the ground, where he had stretched out with his hands behind his head.

The greatest of detectives released the disgraceful bundle of filth, whereupon the dapper little monkey scampered up his arm to sit on his shoulder scowling at us.

“Clever little chap” I said in admiration.
“Capuchin.” Said our supreme sleuth.
“I didn’t think to bring coffee G.B. but there’s some Darjeeling in a flask.” I offered.
“A White-headed Capuchin to be more precise.” continued Bananas, pointing at the monkey, “the preferred companion of organ grinders, mendicants and burglars.”
“Whatever else I’ve been, I was never a mendicant, and that’s a fact!” said the tramp hotly.
“Let’s eat.” said Ayres.

In Castle Alucard, the spiky haired comedian was coaching Mr McShae the Scotsman on the finer points of the English double entendre. (He was to provide the comic relief during the intermission.)

“So you see McShea, all baked goods are a safe bet. For example, dumplings, baps, éclair…
“Éclair?” Asked McShae
“It’s to do with the shape. Look don’t worry about it McShea.”
“It’s McShae actually.” said McShae
“That’s what I said” replied the comedian.
“No, you said McShea,” said McShae “but never mind. So, I’d rather have a French stick than an éclair?”
“You’re almost there McShea.” clapped Jokey.
“It’s McShae!”

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