It’s…..

Start the Week with Dr Maroon !

Sports News

Liver to sign for Glasgow Celtic FC!
In a shock move last night George Best’s Liver (22) resigned from the former Manchester United star claiming irreconcilable differences and a wish to end his playing days at the club he has supported since he was a spleen. Tight lipped Celtic boss Gordon Strachan was guarded in his comments saying only that the club were always on the lookout for match-winning offal.
“The Old Firm competition is so shite just now we could put out 11 men with consumption on dialysis and still beat the Huns” he added.



Morris Minor League.
Is there anything in this world more dejected looking at 4 in the morning in Newcastle town centre than eight clumsy men in full Morris gear with two unknown women in tow? I don’t think so. We were put out by Home Counties ‘B’ who had two openly gay members. Everyone knows they’re better at it than us, there’s no justice. Not only that, but at the “Round the Acorns” bit young Tommy was too busy looking at this piece on the panel and fetched Frank a beauty right on his hand with his wurzzel which made Frank drop his stick with a loud “fuck!” Our leader Sinkey (Sinclair) see picture, turned round and took an elbow in the eye for his trouble. Obviously it utterly fell apart from then on. It was a total fucking disgrace, truth be told. If it was a practice night we would have laughed but at the Regionals… We so wanted to beat the English in their own midden as well.
I don’t think Newcastle’s a good venue for it either, walking about like that’s asking for trouble, not that we were giving a damn by then. If you’re teamed up and carrying sticks, (bells and ribbons whether or not) it’s a foolhardy Geordie that’s going to have a go. Every pub and club let us in, which was fine. I think they thought we were a stag night or something and we even got an ironic cheer at Cinderella Rockerfellers!




100 years ago today
Today is the centenary of the publication of A. Einstein’s “Special Theory“.

In a nutshell;
Space is Time
Gravity is the thing
If you go fast you get younger and thinner


I don’t like MONDAYS:
7 Jobs that are worse than yours;
Internet Support Adviser
Salmon Head Slicer
Detergent Salesman
Christian Book Stacker
Cheese Factory Hand
Phone Sex Line Operator
Nit Nurse

Strange but True
Albania Wednesday: A 68 year old Carmelite Nun who had been blind for 27 years, regained her sight after a picture of the Virgin Mary fell on her head.

Weekly Roundup to follow…………