That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Masterchef final or Ten Years Younger?
Oh, before we go any further; I am one ugly bastard.
I don’t mean ugly in a rugged, or hang dog, or interesting way. I mean pot fucking ugly in a weird ugly way. Not only that, I am ugly on the inside as well.
What ya gonna do?
You see, Time without measure in the past, in Limbo, I was assigned the wrong earthly vessel for my soul.
It was an admin error. Honestly.
I remember it like yesterday.
I was queuing up with all the other souls and it was busy that morning and there was a lot of high spirits and friendly jostling. So we calmed down a bit and we're all floating in an orderly line in our persil-white gowns and I noticed the smallest of smuts on my character. It must have come off an agnostic or something, anyway, tiny it was, a speck, I should have left it alone but I had to rub at it didn’t I? Well, I made it much worse, so I hid it, besmirching stain that it was; I hid it in a diaphanous fold.
See the whole thing was sleeveless, what else could I do?
So I’m queuing up at the dispatch hatch and I noticed it was Antimacassar on the counter. Shit. I’d never got on with him, don’t know why, just didn’t, so I reach the front and he says:
“Name…oh it’s you.”
“Right, let’s see. Ah, we’ve got you down for a good one: number 242/A. very handsome”
“Wait a minute, are those smuts I can see on your heavenly raiment?”
“Yeah but it’ll come out with some Fairy, I’m sure of it”
“I dunno, I think there’s been a big mistake. I think you should have 242/B”
“Fuck off. I'm not taking that one, it's ugly and it's not your decision to make”
“Oh yes it is, now take it and move on, you’re holding up the line”
“Your complaint will be processed. Next!…Name please”
“Right Greg, here we are, 242/A”
Anyway, back to Masterchef. Shaven headed Mat, (as in door, bath, and mouse) will win.
Late Update 01:15
The bastard won it! Press release follows
"The 42-year-old's winning menu consisted of a starter of trio of wild rabbit, a main course of spider crab with hand cut chips and sea vegetables, and a dessert of lavender mousse with hokey pokey and a blackberry sauce."
Jesus! What's happened to this country? Do you think he looks like Kim?