Other people’s holiday snaps

Fatmammycat over at El B’s, reminds me of an incident that I witnessed in Montenegro. It was the year before all hell broke loose, and a former Mrs Maroon and I were enjoying a cracking cheap holiday.

We were sitting as you do, drinking fantastic wine, watching The World.
We hadn’t spoken for a while, not because we had run out of things to say, that came later, but because our faces had gone numb, when in walked the English Family Abroad.

I’m not embellishing this. Ma and Pa, mid thirties smartly dressed, as identical twins, with the Boy and Girl 10,11? also identically dressed but to a different colour scheme. All four were wearing the same white sun-hats; adult versions of the ones babies wear.

As they arranged their impedimenta, Mrs M remarked, in the cruel funny way that women do: “Christ look Ack, it’s the Fit Family!” alluding to the TV advert for Ski yoghurt.

In truth, they were actually an attractive group and initially behaved like normal human beings: “This is a lovely spot. Mmm, those ice creams look good. Who’s got the camera?”

The waiter arrived and before he could ask, Pop stands up with the menu in his hand and declares like Anthony to the Senate:
“Eh two BEER-OES (gives waiter the vics) and two KOAH-KAH KOALAS (as in the bear, gives waiter the vics again), PERLEASE.” Sits down.
“POR FAVOR” says Mater confusingly.

he didn’t say “my good man“, but it was there, and his voice had changed into Peter Sellars doing his Scoutmaster routine.

The dam burst, I had foolishly looked over at Mrs Maroon who was staring at them with her glass halfway to her gaping mouth*.
“Oh fuck off, they have got to be at it”
She said, in the cruel way that women do.

* beautiful full ruby lips