It’s 15:50, and at Saint Glayva’s, Dr A H K Maroon is leading his young charges through the rigours of natural philosophy (physics in the state sector)…………
………“Hynes has asked a very pertinent question about turboprops. Stand up Hynes, let the class see you. Hynes is from Boston. Right, you can sit next to Bananas at the back.
Barbudo! Give Hynes your desk and come and sit here at the front where I can watch you. NOW boy. And stop doing that, it’s gormless.
Inspector! Yes you boy! If you wouldn’t mind, that’s right, put the comb away.
Mr Ayres! The blackboard’s this way. Your parents are not paying for you to look out the window. Ayres by name, Ayres by Nature.
M. Diver! Is that a, a, a magazine? Bring it here at once. “Razzle” eh? Right I’m keeping this, you may ask for it back after Yule Hogswatch.
I’m sorry, did I say something funny the “Mizzes” Cat and Beauty? Maybe you’d care to share it with the rest of us? We like a joke, don’t we class? No? Well I’m sorry to interrupt your little confab, but the day you come here prepared to learn instead of gossiping like fishwives and painting your faces like strumpets….is that jewellery? You know the standing orders.
Right. Mynah Bird Esquire. Who can tell me? Mmm? Who can shed light on his continued absence? Has he seen Matron? Nobody? The mystery deepens eh? Not bird flu is it? Ahah ahah ahem….
Ok, so, are we ready now? Splendid ! The Turboprop. This combines the efficiency of Stay where you are ! That bell’s for ME not you.
You may now proceed. Walk!
Miss Cat, see me in my rooms after Evensong.”