Here in Guadeloupe there is a PigglyWiggly. It is 3.00 am here. What time is it in Jeddah? I am now on Marie Gelante but back to Guad tomo if the unrest allows. The peasants are revolting.
Savannah even the very water is adulterated. It's sea water half of it. Water water everywhere, and not a drop of drink.
Clarissa, for once and once only I am relieved you are not here. I cannot imagine why I listened to you. "It will clear your debts quicker Maroon," you said. "...think of all the fun I can have on your repat visits," you said. "...bring me back a rug for the downstaairs lobby..." you said. Well a life outside one's head, without a drink, is a hard task Clarissa. There are six and a half billion arseholes in the world and they're all here, staring at me. What a disgusting development. Still I can't kvetch can I? And that's another thing, can you get Rakussen's Kosher baked beans here? No you can not. You can get lamb but NO mint sauce. I miss it the most. I am ill with longing for it; that and to sit in an English country pub with no phone with a cheese and tomatoe toasty and a large stiff one in my hand. Jesus how I miss those toasties. musn't grumble though, time I took the tiller. Axx
Waitaminute waitabluddyminnit. This cake deal's a bit of a swizz. You paypal or western union Ayres junior the dosh for the cake, he makes it for you, then does he fed-ex it to you? No. He takes a picture of it and then the Ayres' family eat it and tell you how fab it was. It's a macabre cake adoption scam where you get a letter from the cake once a month telling you how glad it was to be eaten. Listen mate, I didn't come up the Clyde on a banana boat (no offence G.B.)
sweet jesus, sugar! i LIVED there! i KNOW you can get a drink in jeddah! hell, the best parties were at saudi villas! how long will y'all be in the kingdom? xoxox
Maroon! What time is it there? Speaker Martin has resigned. You know what this means: a by election for Glasgow North East. Will you grasp the nettle? I see you on the stump, explaining your flamboyant manifesto to the cringing masses. You don't mince words. On the contrary, plain speaking is the order of the day. You might reference mince though, local cuisine being what it is. I see you cutting a swathe through Model Lodging Houses: imagine the groundswell of support from the ragged residents! It is teatime here (gin Mojitas all round) and there is not a moment to lose. Let me know how I can help.
By gum Clarissa, you're right! It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I see you standing beside me, two steps back to my right, sharing my triumph; beaming to the reptiles and the nation on Newsnight Election Special. Shoulder to shoulder we sway, intoxicated by our success, negotiating the tricky interview with Paxman and the half second satellite delay.
“I, Ron Maiden, being the returning officer for Glasgow Dunfiddlinn, hereby declare that the number of votes cast in the parliamentary election for that constituency was as follows:
Anne I Foreignaye; (Anti Muslim Europe Paedophile League) 2137 Lou Scanon; ( Brown Out Independent Labour Party) 4592 Hugh J.X. Spence-Klaime (Conservative and Unionist Party) 53 Achilles Hector Kenneth Maroon (Scottish Maroon Party [SMP]) 45,768 And that the undernoted is duly elected…Write my speeches Clarissa, I beg of you. Christ you do already, this way you will be paid.
Maroon! It must be about one a.m. where you are! You should be under a mosquito net, prescription medication and starter's orders by now, surely? What's keeping you up? It's six pm here, aperitif time, parfait. Daiquiris all round. The pearly part of the day.
You're sharp Clarissa. It's 01:16. It's noisy because my compadres are all 17 years old having the adventure of a lifetime, buying plasma tvs and spoilers for their Mitsubishi Evolutions when they get back. Their table manners are a fucking disgrace and they play wii games rather than the games themselves. If there was wii swimming the lazy bastards would do it.
Sav, it comes and goes. I am to the north east? of Jeddah. Since 9/11 there are periodic turns of the screw apparently. Two Brits were blown up in a car bomb supposedly for dealing in cid. Who knows. I will be here for as long as it takes I guess. I get a return in June for three weeks or so and weekends over the causeway. It's shitsville without a capital s. :( xoxoxoxoxoxoxoooooxxxxxooxoxo
Scarlet my lovely, they will cut off my hand for blogging with you. It amounts to the same thing. (think about it) I can wait... I thang you, badoom tish. I'm in the stardust room all week, same time, tell your friends.
I could kill for a special offer Moscow Mule and a cheese and Tomatoe toastie.
Hugh J.X. Spence-Klaime God i loved that. sorry. no Clarissa, Everlast Streamline Revealers. As worn by all the Olympic officials in pool or out, including special para Olympics officials from Montreal 86 who were half jaked on shots most of the time.
We all enjoyed Hugh J X, well done. But you forgot to offend flat-earthers and those who believe in ethnicity, Irish or any other kind. Are you going soft?
Inkspot, cleverest of commentationers, that is a recurring question in my life. Along with "how long until you are hard again?" 'Tis the burden of my song. Gosh, remember the flat-earthers? Whatever happened to them? I bet they've signed up for Bransons space trips. Ethnics. Good old Spinoza; I'm sure he'd have something to say about them (and Es on the end of tomato).
You'll have to have a proper platform for to stand in the by-election. I have every expectation that Mrs. P has got Oor Wullie's bucket somewhere in the cubby hole under the stairs.
Kev we don't need to worry about the platform. It's gone way too far for that. I need ten nominations from Springburn residents, each with a vote. I will go to the technical college and buy them. Uhuh.
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26 comments:
*ack*
Here in Guadeloupe there is a PigglyWiggly. It is 3.00 am here. What time is it in Jeddah? I am now on Marie Gelante but back to Guad tomo if the unrest allows. The peasants are revolting.
Oh I see it is 10 am and described as "pleasantly warm" at 90 degrees! Christ. How are you coping?
Savannah even the very water is adulterated. It's sea water half of it. Water water everywhere, and not a drop of drink.
Clarissa, for once and once only I am relieved you are not here. I cannot imagine why I listened to you.
"It will clear your debts quicker Maroon," you said. "...think of all the fun I can have on your repat visits," you said. "...bring me back a rug for the downstaairs lobby..." you said.
Well a life outside one's head, without a drink, is a hard task Clarissa. There are six and a half billion arseholes in the world and they're all here, staring at me. What a disgusting development.
Still I can't kvetch can I? And that's another thing, can you get Rakussen's Kosher baked beans here? No you can not. You can get lamb but NO mint sauce. I miss it the most. I am ill with longing for it; that and to sit in an English country pub with no phone with a cheese and tomatoe toasty and a large stiff one in my hand. Jesus how I miss those toasties. musn't grumble though, time I took the tiller.
Axx
Waitaminute waitabluddyminnit.
This cake deal's a bit of a swizz. You paypal or western union Ayres junior the dosh for the cake, he makes it for you, then does he fed-ex it to you? No. He takes a picture of it and then the Ayres' family eat it and tell you how fab it was.
It's a macabre cake adoption scam where you get a letter from the cake once a month telling you how glad it was to be eaten. Listen mate, I didn't come up the Clyde on a banana boat (no offence G.B.)
sweet jesus, sugar! i LIVED there! i KNOW you can get a drink in jeddah! hell, the best parties were at saudi villas! how long will y'all be in the kingdom? xoxox
Boojum.
I am in Brighton.
Sx
Maroon! What time is it there? Speaker Martin has resigned. You know what this means: a by election for Glasgow North East. Will you grasp the nettle? I see you on the stump, explaining your flamboyant manifesto to the cringing masses. You don't mince words. On the contrary, plain speaking is the order of the day. You might reference mince though, local cuisine being what it is. I see you cutting a swathe through Model Lodging Houses: imagine the groundswell of support from the ragged residents! It is teatime here (gin Mojitas all round) and there is not a moment to lose. Let me know how I can help.
By gum Clarissa, you're right! It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I see you standing beside me, two steps back to my right, sharing my triumph; beaming to the reptiles and the nation on Newsnight Election Special. Shoulder to shoulder we sway, intoxicated by our success, negotiating the tricky interview with Paxman and the half second satellite delay.
“I, Ron Maiden, being the returning officer for Glasgow Dunfiddlinn, hereby declare that the number of votes cast in the parliamentary election for that constituency was as follows:
Anne I Foreignaye; (Anti Muslim Europe Paedophile League) 2137
Lou Scanon; ( Brown Out Independent Labour Party) 4592
Hugh J.X. Spence-Klaime (Conservative and Unionist Party) 53
Achilles Hector Kenneth Maroon (Scottish Maroon Party [SMP]) 45,768
And that the undernoted is duly elected…Write my speeches Clarissa, I beg of you. Christ you do already, this way you will be paid.
Maroon! It must be about one a.m. where you are! You should be under a mosquito net, prescription medication and starter's orders by now, surely? What's keeping you up? It's six pm here, aperitif time, parfait. Daiquiris all round. The pearly part of the day.
You're sharp Clarissa. It's 01:16. It's noisy because my compadres are all 17 years old having the adventure of a lifetime, buying plasma tvs and spoilers for their Mitsubishi Evolutions when they get back. Their table manners are a fucking disgrace and they play wii games rather than the games themselves. If there was wii swimming the lazy bastards would do it.
Sav, it comes and goes. I am to the north east? of Jeddah. Since 9/11 there are periodic turns of the screw apparently. Two Brits were blown up in a car bomb supposedly for dealing in cid. Who knows. I will be here for as long as it takes I guess. I get a return in June for three weeks or so and weekends over the causeway. It's shitsville without a capital s.
:( xoxoxoxoxoxoxoooooxxxxxooxoxo
Scarlet my lovely, they will cut off my hand for blogging with you.
It amounts to the same thing.
(think about it)
I can wait...
I thang you, badoom tish.
I'm in the stardust room all week, same time, tell your friends.
I could kill for a special offer Moscow Mule and a cheese and Tomatoe toastie.
Ax.
Is there swimming? Are you in your black Jantzens?
Hugh J.X. Spence-Klaime
God i loved that. sorry.
no Clarissa, Everlast Streamline Revealers.
As worn by all the Olympic officials in pool or out, including special para Olympics officials from Montreal 86 who were half jaked on shots most of the time.
I think Dr Maroon would look jolly good in a pair of black speedos.
Sx
We all enjoyed Hugh J X, well done. But you forgot to offend flat-earthers and those who believe in ethnicity, Irish or any other kind. Are you going soft?
Inkspot, cleverest of commentationers, that is a recurring question in my life. Along with "how long until you are hard again?" 'Tis the burden of my song.
Gosh, remember the flat-earthers? Whatever happened to them? I bet they've signed up for Bransons space trips. Ethnics. Good old Spinoza; I'm sure he'd have something to say about them (and Es on the end of tomato).
Update! It was Dan Quayle!
He misspelled potato at a spelling bee while V.P.
What an arse! How could he have spelled potato tomatoe?
you say potato and I say tomatoe
you say tomato and I say you are no Jack Kennedy..
snog
You'll have to have a proper platform for to stand in the by-election. I have every expectation that Mrs. P has got Oor Wullie's bucket somewhere in the cubby hole under the stairs.
Snog! Absolument, Sarah.
Kev we don't need to worry about the platform. It's gone way too far for that. I need ten nominations from Springburn residents, each with a vote. I will go to the technical college and buy them. Uhuh.
The Golden Rule is that there are no golden rules.
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Ignorance is the curse of God, knowledge the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.
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Wonders are many,and nothing is more wonderful then man.
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