Part Fourteen


The maze of passageways somehow returned me to the door of our suite. With a slight hesitation, I looked in to see how things now stood.
Bananas had Ayres in a chair with a towel over his head and a brandy in his hand, calming him, while the butler still had his finger in the wall, and was holding the cloth to his eye where Ayres had viciously punched him.

“Did you find anyone Maroon?” Asked Bananas as I entered.
“Not yet GB, This place is a warren.” I explained.
“How are you Ayres?” I enquired.
“Oh, I’m fine, just dandy me! Damned idiot that you are Maroon!” he spluttered.
“I’m not sure I like your tone Ayres,” I replied, not a little put out. We had probably saved his soul from who knew what, and his gratitude was definitely on the thin side.
“Try upstairs Doctor.” shouted the butler from the lavatory, “If you would sir, only my finger’s gone numb.”

Gorilla Bananas nodded in agreement, and as I stood to go, added quietly:
“Maroon, when you do find someone, there’s no need to explain that we were carrying out a hydropathic exorcism and nearly drowned our friend. We must spare Ayres that indignity.”

Once again I marvelled at the altruism of that great ape.

Sure enough, on the next floor I found Doctor Evil in discussion with a group dressed in white coats.

Remembering Bananas’ injunction to keep the facts to ourselves, I beckoned him over, so that the others would not hear.


“A word if I may, Doctor Evil.”
“Yes Doctor?”
“There’s been ‘an occurrence’ in our bathroom.”
“Just open a window.”
“You don’t understand, It’s bigger than that.”
“Indeed?”
“I think we need a plumber.”
“Was it Mr Bananas? His diet - all that fruit?”
“No it was Ayres.”
“Travel upsets the strongest constitution.”
“It wasn’t the travel that upset him.”
“A chop maybe? You have to be careful with pork.”
“No, it’s my fault. All the gurgling, I ignored it.”
“The warning signs, Dr Maroon.”
“He made so much noise.”
“Did he by Jove? How awful.”
“I’m afraid he has done considerable damage.”
“I’ll give you some ointment for him.”
“It was such a struggle you see.”
“Dear me, the poor fellow.”
“It loosened the plaster off the bathroom wall.”
“My God!”
“That’s what Eater said when he saw it.”
“My butler is involved?"
“Your butler has his finger in the orifice now.”
“That sounds like Eater.”
"He’s stopping further leakage."
“Good gracious!”
“He took one in the eye as well I’m afraid.”
“How vile!”
“I think Ayres was aiming for me.”
“Merciful heavens!”

Doctor Evil leant back and took a deep breath.

“Right,” he said, “you return to your suite, and I shall see if I can find anyone willing, I mean qualified, to come and investigate these remarkable circumstances.”

For the first time that day, I was of light heart, and could return to my associates in the knowledge of a job well done.