That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.

Saturday, October 04, 2008




CSI Miami vs CSI Glasgow.

Consider the scene. A man is engrossed in a private passion when from 36000 feet a small meteor of blue ice, not the size of a football, crashes through his roof killing him instantly.


Miami

Within the hour, CSI Miami arrive, they take samples, temperatures, they shine a laser up through the holes in the ceilings to verify trajectories. In another hour they have the flight path of the plane and the name of
the stewardess who pressed the button.

Glasgow.


Three days later, CSI Glasgow kick in the door.

They are appalled by the crockery in the sink and the piles of bed linen awaiting laundry uplift. They step round the body, sneering at the red tartan pyjamas.
The blue ice has melted over a pleasing Turkish rug.

“What a stink!”
“Jesus look at this, he’s been so drunk he never made it to the bog”
“Dirty…drunken…bastard”
“Aye.”
“Christ look at that”
“What?”
“There’s a hole in the roof and the lazy fucker hasn’t even put a bit of felt over it.”
“What an arsehole.”
“Drink is a terrible thing”
“You said it mate”
“Right, call it in, I’ll see if there’s any whisky left in the house.”


As they return to their flashing car, they comment on the state of Scottish alcoholism.

“Did you see how his dick was stuck in that syrup tin?”
“ Yeah. Now, that WAS fucking weird.”



23 comments:

Ronnie said...

Evening Doc,Do you not find all those C.S.I. characters to be utterly unlikeable. Just once I'd like to see them completely Fuck-up a case, jail the wrong person, be sued for Millions and sacked for gross pomposity and being general Smart-asses.

Kim Ayres said...

Looks a lot like Crockett & Tubbs and some blonde to look good climbing out of a Ferrari.

Is it the same?

Can't get Channel 5 in this corner of Scotland.

Can get Chanel No.5 though, if you look hard enough.

problemchildbride said...

Our Scottish cops are less hard-boiled, more slow-baked.

Dr Maroon said...

ronnie, I canna find you, at least I think I can't.
If you can be bothered can you email your url?

docmaroon@hotmail.co.uk

Dr Maroon said...

Crumbs we must have crossed Sam and Kim.
What the fucking hell is all this face we deserve shite Kim?
I jave done bugger all to deserve mine. By rights I should look like a young gregory fucking peck.

Nice to see you Sam. Half-baked is the phrase I think. Do you think they will beat me with rubber hoses for slagging them off?

Ronnie said...

Soon, Doc., soon. Have people nothing better to be doing on a Saturday night than commenting here ? In my case, Malicia has gone off with some of her Coven to be part of an Audience on a crappy t.v. show, so theres just me and my friend, Blue.
B.t.w., how's it going, Kim.

Dr Maroon said...

that's all right me ol' mucker, I know it fine. Just checkin.
You said it right. What the fuck are we doing in on a saturday night?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I never realised there was alcohol in that syrup but I'll take your word for it, Dr. Those Scotch detectives had a point, he was a drunken dick.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Billy Connolly would have solved that. Remember "The Jobbie Wheecha"?

Dr Maroon said...

I do Daphne.
And his Last Supper and Crucifixion routines.
He peopled them with working class Glasgow characters that we recognised. Years before Life of Brian. I wonder if they have dated.

scarlet-blue said...

Goodness me! But I've been making flapjacks with the syrup . . .
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Doctor Maroon, it's a niche interest, isn't it, Syrup Sex?
However, a word of warning: don't try and substitute Fowler's Black Treacle. That's a different kettle of fish altogether. Much more effort involved, and the results a bit too Torrey Canyon for most. Have a blessed Sunday. CldeMP

Kim Ayres said...

Hey Ronnie! Make sure you let me know where you make a reappearance too. Hope you're keeping well.

Doc - fancy some black pudding?

Ronnie said...

Keeping great Kim, this Recession does not bother me in the slightest as I never came out of the last one, I ended up with nothing and still have most of it left.
What kind of black pudding ?

Dr Maroon said...

Scarlet you little rogue! You can have much more fun with Messrs Tate & Lyle’s tins of golden glory. One day when you are older, I will tell you.
Ax


Clarissa,
once again we are in complete concord. It IS a niche interest, if not an elite one.
Yet there must be thousands ready to try the exquisite delights of sex and syrup. The flag must be unfurled! Forward to sticky ecstasy!

Dr Maroon said...

Ronnie, stay away from it. He makes it with his own blood. He's gone all weird. I think it's the B12 shots he's on.

inkspot said...

I'd be really worried about the osmotic effect of the syrup on my person.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Inky, you need to go to Syrupsex.blogspot.com immediately.

Kim Ayres said...

Just check my blog, Ronnie. It's a great new business idea with lots of potential.

savannah said...

your glasgow csi sounds a hellva lot more interesting, sugar!

savannah said...

and funnier, too!

xoxoxoooox

Sarah said...

absolutely. too funny.

"Dirty...drunken...bastard"

Conan Drumm said...

You dirty old honeydipper, you! Where's the ghost of Taggart when you need him?