That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.

Saturday, September 27, 2008




COMMENT FUCKING MODERATION!
Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? That little bastard Glark must have chewed through some wires in his demented frenzy and to think of all the virtual steaks I fed him. Fucking ingrate! I will get this sorted. I promise. While we’re waiting, whatya think of the stark modernity? I like it, me. It’s a whiteout on the top of Ben Macdui in the spring when even your sat nav compass is useless. I love whiteouts up there. You have to stand still and wait them out. It can be ten or thirty minutes. They are incredibly disorienting and you feel totally free. I was hit in the forehead by a snow bunting during one. It must have been doing 30 mph when BLAM straight into the Tefal brow of Yours Truly. It was a spiritual experience for both of us. I survived right enough, the poor bunting didn’t so it was probably more life changing for her. I buried her in the snow 4500 feet up in the Scottish highlands. Great days.


24 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Amazing story, Dr. With a forehead like that you should have played centre-forward for Hibernian Reserves. I feel sorry for the bird - it probably threw caution to the wind after seeing a roadrunner cartoon.

scarlet-blue said...

Christ, I've forgotten what the post was about now, such is my delight that you're back . . . hang on, let me go read it again . . .
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Yes, it's all very white Dr Maroon. Very edgy.
Obviously you are a bird magnet . . . .
Sx

Dr Maroon said...

Mr Gorilla Bananas, welcome my oldest friend, over my humble threshold. It's all true.
you stand there and you literally, honestly, can't see your hand in front of you. So we're standing there 10 minutes waiting for the snow to pass. "Everyone still here? YEAH!" then FUCK! what was that? I thopught someone had thrown a coke can at me. Bang! Icoyuldn't see what it was, I had to stand and wait for thae snow to stop. It stopped just like Hollywood, off. ant there was this bird at my feet about hte size of a starling. Snow bunting. Theyy do not come down below 3000 feet so you will never have seen one.

It is absolutely fabulous to have you here though. It is fucking A1.

Dr Maroon said...

Scarlet my darling. Let's celebrate the redecoration. Something to show the light. I have it! Two Moscow Mules each!
If you would wrap up warm and take trekking poles, I'd take you to heights you never knew existed.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Extremely rude dashing off in the middle of my discourse on Chromoluminarism just because Mr Gorilla Bananas deigns to visit. I might find this hard to forgive.

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Mrs P, are you here for the Mules as well?

Come on then Dr, take me up your mountain and show me your buntings . . .

Sx

Dr Maroon said...

Mrs Pouncer,

of course you'd find it hard Clarissa, that is our destiny.
It will always be hard where you are concerned. However, I am nothing if not stoic. My stamina knows no bounds.

I remain,
AHK

Mrs Pouncer said...

No Scarlet, I am not here for the Mules, and Dr Maroon's buntings are roosting. In fact, we are leaving for the night.
Gute nacht. Bis bald.

Dr Maroon said...

Scarlet my dearest you'd love it. You would be tripping over fit young Alpine climbers in spandex all day.
We, the plodders of the Alpine world, had to haul one up off an ice face once. He was too proud to ask for assistance as we passed. How gauche is that? HE was from the home counties. I must say though, I liked him, he was practicing for an expedition to the Himalayas. He was only 22. I gave him a couple of mars bars. There's no two ways about it, I did fucking like him. The rest of my group (4) were mortified. What pricks.

scarlet-blue said...

You are right Mrs P, I would be a gooseberry . . . though I would quite like to see a spandex clad 22yr old . . . anyhow, I'll knock back my drink and leave you to your roasting buntings.
Good night and have a good one Dr Maroon.
Sx

Psst . . . Dr . . . I'll see if I can sneak back at about 4am . . .

Dr Maroon said...

I want to point out that a whiteout is not Disney snow. It's like talcum powder, white smoke. there are no five leaved crystals falling past your face. It's like putting your face in a sand blaster.
It is however the most wondeful experience. There is nothing,

scarlet-blue said...

. . . indeed better than a facial down the beauty parlour . . . are you okay Dr? . . . Where are my socks . . . ?
Sx

Kim Ayres said...

So, are you ever going to reveal your secret for attracting the birds?

savannah said...

i am back, sugar! i did have second thoughts, BUT only because in a moment of drunken reverie i thought that mr. bananas might have a point about the site and that i might have been following some shallow imitation of your darling self and there you are and now here i am...hungthehellover from last night! xoxoxo
(so will you follow me or is that too gauche to ask?) ;)

Dr Maroon said...

That is just what it's like Scarlet, a free facial. Talking of which I see your glass is empty. Let me top you up.
Ax

It's no secret Kim Ayres, philosopher and man for all seasons/ I would have thought it quite obvious. I cannot make soup.

Consider it done Savannah.
Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring
The Winter Garment of Repentance fling:
The Bird of Time has but a little way
To fly-and Lo! the Bird is on the Wing

Kim Ayres said...

Stunning in its simplicity and perfection. I applaud you Maroon.

Eryl Shields said...

This doesn't feel like your place at all Doc, I feel awfully disorientated in fact. However, as you're still talking the same crap I guess I'm in the right place: whiteout? Suicidal but incredibly cute, if chubby, bird? Yep, it's you alright.

PS, is a whiteout just a blackout Le Corbusier style?

Conan Drumm said...

"The Bird is on the Wing"...?

Isn't that absurd,
I always thought the wing was on the bird!

Dr Maroon said...

Eryl I will receive your comment as the compliment I am sure you meant. Of course it's me. You couldn't make this stuff up.
The mystery is why it was flying in the first place then of all the people to hit why me?

Le Corbusier? Funny you should name him. Like him I believe that one can reinvent oneself.



Conan, it's poetry mate. Not one of mine I'll grant you, it's just the funny way they talk.


I'll take your applause Kim, I feel I deserve it.

savannah said...

thank you, sugar, you're too kind! xoxo (you know why)

Mrs Pouncer said...

Dr Maroon, this all sounds very perilous. I hope you haven't turned into some sort of superannuated thrillseeker. You may be at the dangerous age where you are looking over your shoulder at past glories and missed opportunities, and feeling you have something to prove.
It may be time to reign yourself in. According to all available research, October is the month when men d'un certain age are most likely to be involved in accidents. Let us hope I am mistaken, but I urge you to gird up your loins and think about protection at all times. I only say this because I care. CLdeM Pouncer

problemchildbride said...

Oh!

*Spins and reels about*

inkspot said...

What whiteout? That photo shows brilliant sunshine. Pull yourself together and take the pillowcase off your head.