Ask anyone at work how they brought in the New Year and they will pause as if remembering and say; “quietly”.

This could be:
a) a barefaced lie.
b) a mark of the modern decline of social interaction.
c) an illustration of the gap between perception and reality.

For example let’s take Hogmanay chez Maroon, aux famille.
In my mind, it was a soft focus, Val Doonican-at-home triumph of hospitable good cheer. If only the Whole World could find such pleasant repose in family, friends and shortbread…

The réalité, remembered in a series of cruel flashbacks, is something quite different.

And I don’t care to dwell on it; I don’t have the time; I must get on; thank you for asking; look to your own affairs you nosey bastard.


Act two

Mrs Hudson was telling my friends of her preparations in the kitchen. “I’ve two geese ready for roasting the noo. They’re free range, fattened for two years instead o’ one. My Dr Watson prefers a big plump breasted…”
“And an older bird takes more stuffing.” I ventured.
“Whatever do you mean Dr Maroon?” asked the kindly Scotch housekeeper, adjusting the bib of her apron.
“Well, only that an older

Gotta go, can’t explain