Picture if you will, the scene;
You’re queuing up at check in.
That pre-flight lager seems an eternity away.
You’re counting the kids and the luggage [not necessarily in that order].
You are making sure that your trolley rubs the heels of the people in front, while scowling at that ratfink behind you who is going to get a fat lip so help you God if he keeps bumping your ankles.
You have delegated ticket and passport duties to the lady of the house who shows no outward sign of taking her responsibilities seriously.
If she carries on like that you will be robbed by Romanian pickpockets, it was on the TV…
Man: I mean why not just wave all the…the…[searches for word] the fucking valuables, in the air and shout “here it is !”?
Woman: Valuables? Who do you think we are, Lord and Lady Muck? What valuables for God’s sake?
Man: You know what I mean, - the passports and stuff.
Woman: Wait! [clutches throat] My pearls! They re missing! [clutches head] so is my tiara !
Man: That s right, make a fucking joke about it. We’ll see who’s laughing when that bag gets snatched
Woman: For the love of Christ, Ack will you calm down? You’ll get a drink shortly.
Man: I’m only sayin’…
You’re nearly there.
Once that ghastly family in front load up their house flitting onto the scales, it’ll be you.
Then you can have that drink and spend all your money here in Glasgow Airport on silk ties and shortbread and perfume and watches and cigars and spirits and burgers and coffee and cufflinks and Jägermeister and all the crap you never normally buy.
Two young lads drive a burning jeep into one of the doors and all flights are suspended.
NOOOOOOO, you have got to be kidding me!
Transcript of pub debate concerning Scotland’s war on terror.
Jimmy: This has put us on the map!
Gerry: On a par with New York, so we are.
Voice of reason: In what way?
Jimmy: It shows we’re just as important as other countries.
Gerry: Every country worth their salt has terrorists.
Voice of reason: Jesus!
Jimmy: Mind you, they chose the wrong airport to tangle with.
Gerry: They took a hell of a risk.
Voice of reason: They were suicide bombers!
Jimmy: Christ, they’d have to be, down in Glasgow.
Gerry: They’re terrible rough in Glasgow, no offence Professor.
Voice of reason: None taken I’m sure.
Jimmy: And another thing, they’re meant to be disaffected Muslim youth but they drive Mercs and Jeeps, I don’t get it.
Gerry: 15 miles to the gallon and the insurance is sky high!
Voice of reason: Yeah but that’s…
Jimmy: My brother-in-law insured his jeep with Admiral.
Gerry: What mileage is he getting?
Voice of reason: Argggghhhhh!