That pure Cane Spirit since 1848.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Achilles Hector Kenneth Maroon.

An Apology:

I apologise unreservedly for the slur neither intended nor implied on the wives of Mr Cameron and Mr Brown the Prime Minister occasioned by my bare-arsed exhibitionism on the weblog named Cape to Rio. I was not overworked or under great stress.

Further, I deeply regret my inconvenience on this most beautiful of Easter Mondays to be stuck inside explaining myself. I am most sorry to be typing this out to an empty screen knowing deep in my heart that public houses across this great land have been open for two hours now, serving cool wines and sandwiches. That, perhaps, is my deepest regret and for that I am more sorry than I can say.

59 comments:

Mrs Pouncer said...

A handsome apology, Maroon, and not before time. Your tone reminds me of that taken by Sir Jock McCockup in recent months, and Sir Shred of Wheat; both countrymen of yours, I believe. God Bless you, Dr Maroon, for both your humility and bumility, which is not a word in common usage, but should be.

Ms Scarlet said...

Yes, but where are the nekkid photos? Which blog am I on...?
I need to apply ointment to my nettle rash.
Sx

Ms Scarlet said...

Nah, Dr Maroon doesn't have to apologise. He has cockability as well as bumility...
Sx

savannah said...

never apologize, sugar! ever

just beg forgiveness after the fact. ;)

xoxxoo

(now, go have a drink and something to eat!)

Kim Ayres said...

For the first time ever, I'm beginning to worry for you, Doc. Even the dodgy racism stuff a few posts ago never made me think you'd start posting pics of some bloke's naked bits on your blog. Or passing them off for your own.

Either you need to give up the drinking. Or if you already have, you need to take it up again.

And you still owe me lunch

Ms Scarlet said...

Kim, you sound as if you have prior knowledge of Dr Maroon's nekkid bits?!
Sx

Kim Ayres said...

Scarlet-Blue - having met him in person I'm aware of his overall body shape and hair colour. I'm pretty certain he's using a body-double. I mean, did that person look like a cross between Paul Newman and Jack Black? I rest my case.

Dr Maroon said...

Clarissa thank you, thank you. Someone with the grace to accept victory in the spirit intended from the defeated, er... I'm rambling... grapefruit segments...

Gawd Bless yer duchess.

Ax

Dr Maroon said...

Scarls I take it you saw my splendid fundament once more. Well aren't you the lucky one? As Kim says, it was a body double, my friend Sandy.
Hasn't he got nice arms?
Ax.


What the hell was wrong with it Mr Gorilla Bananas?

I remember, one time, we were like watching tv? and this thing came on? about apes, yeah? in Africa or kenya or somewhere? and this big shithouse gorilla (no offence), got his wanger out? and we were like, whoah, where is it? and stuff...

Dr Maroon said...

Savannah, according to our good friend Scarlet, I have cockability. I should explain: a punne derived from an old British Gas Advert.
"Cook, cook, cook, cookability, that's the beauty of gas."
It has said more about Scarlet than my pictures ever did of me.

Kim, no offence mate, but you're talking out your fat arse. I got them in last time. Bloody English, (no offence), they can worm their way out of standing their round like Groucho fucking Marx. And wtf is Jack Black when he's at home?

Mrs Pouncer said...

Maroon, I saw that programme, too. 1977-ish? To make the poor gorilla ejaculate they shoved a probe up his defenceless fundament. It was to cry. Then, to showcase his dignity, they gave us a load of chimps wanking. Was it early Attenborough? No, I think it was some American.

Dr Maroon said...

Aren't chimps wanking just the funniest thing you ever saw? Bit like Mr Home Secretary Husband when we analyse it, or analise it, as he would say, the aunt.

Mrs Pouncer said...

He is a total aunt. It was Raw Meat III and Anal Boutique, according to my sources. And then he has the cheek to apologise "to Jacqui for any embarrassment caused". The utter. What about apologising to me for the 88p for the fucking bath plug. That's the bit I hate the most.

Gorilla Bananas said...

If was someone else's, then all well and good. There's enough anonymous cock on the internet without Dr Maroon having to apologise for every single one. I see the point you were making, Dr, but Ayres and the Irish may not be so forgiving.

Kim Ayres said...

You Bastard! You've been owing me that lunch for about 2 years now. Don't start pretending Dementia has set in that much.

Next time I want proof of that PhD.

sarah said...

i would bet you are MORE sorry for the latter than you are the former.

you enjoyed showing your hams.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Bit bored today, so I have spent some of my precious time finding out about the gorilla documentary. Luckily, I have friends in useful places: it was about a gorilla called Jambo who lived in Jersey Zoo. He was billed as the "most virile gorilla in the world" and enjoyed enviable success in impregnating females. However, he had real trouble getting an erection and a man called Dr Seager was called in with his revolutionary method "electro ejaculation". Ten volt charges were transmitted to "certain nerves" after Big J had been knocked out , and it seemed to work just as well as showing him some old eight-by-tens of Fay Wray.

I was right about the chimps. Gorillas were shown to be more dignified all round. They do not wank, and also they keep their genitals to themselves, rather than wearing the engine externally like an old motor-cycle. We could all learn so much.

xerxes said...

Yes, pub wine should be apologized for.

I'm a bit confused by recent developments on this weblog. Are you having an affair with Samantha Cameron? That would reflect well on both of you.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Oh wake up, you git. I need someone to roundly abuse, and you'll do.

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